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What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan
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Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed
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Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else
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He said: I don't know y u wear a bra, u've got nothing to put in it
She said: You wear underpants, don't u?
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Wot did the bartender say 2 the jump cables when they walked into the bar?
OK u 2, don't start anything
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Did you hear about the new mag for married men by Playboy?
It has the same pictures month after month after month....
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2 men r fishin. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places his h@ on his chest. 2nd man says "Th@t's nice"
1st man says 'It's t least I cn do. We wr married for 25 yrs'
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How to impress a woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, protect her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer
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How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
We don't know - never happens.
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Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy
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Wot is t difference btween a wife + a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds
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God made man + then rested. God made women + then no-one rested. |
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The longest sentence known to man: "I do" |
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How do u kp a txtr in suspense?
I'll tel u l8r
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Wot did t baby digital clock say to his mother?
Look ma, no hands.
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Do u know wot a wok is?
Something u thwow at a wabbit
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The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass&flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful, why doesn't it rain on you? |
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Jesus says to John, come forth I'll give u eternal life.
John came fifth, he won a toaster
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Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty...so the world needs YOU after all! |
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Smartie n Malteser sittin at da bar. In walks a Hack. Smartie hdes bhind da door.Malteser asks wat r u fraid of?
Smartie replies, dat Hack is MENTHOL!
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In a survey of American women, when asked, would you sleep with President Clinton, 86% replied, 'not again' |
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Two blondes were drivin to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read.'DisneyLand left', so they turned round and went home |
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2 fish in tank 1st says to 2nd fish, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" |
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The police r lookin 4 a suspect who is sexy, witty + v.gorgeous. They hav already eliminated u from t list but where d u think I shd hide? |
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Wht did t apple say to t worm?
Ur boring me
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